7 People on Why They Chose to Be Celibate for a Spell

I tended to put my unresolved issues on the back burner because I thought another person could fix them. But the truth is, the only one who can heal you is you. For example, you can’t expect someone else to make you confident, and you can’t expect to be in a secure relationship when you’re constantly insecure about yourself.

Through this experience, I learned to enjoy my own company, love myself inside and out, and fill my own cup more and more each day. —Mandana Z.

I needed space to focus on my mental health.

Almost a year ago, I decided to take a break from sex—just for a little while. At the time, I was in therapy, processing some complex trauma from my childhood. In order to heal, I knew I needed at least a few months to focus solely on myself. So, I decided that temporarily refraining from any dating, relationships, or sex would help me do that (since I often used these things to distract myself from dealing with uncomfortable emotions). I did this for about five months, and I honestly believe that having that time to simply prioritize me, myself, and I was game-changing for my healing journey, as cliché as that might sound. —J

After two divorces, I want to be alone for a bit and find happiness within myself.

I used to rush to the bedroom and felt sex clouded my judgment. But now, after having gone through two divorces, I want to work on being alone and finding happiness within myself instead of relying on a partner.

This choice was an easy one that I don’t regret. It’s enabled me to find joy and purpose outside of who I’m dating. Most importantly, I’m a single father with joint custody and not having the distraction of seeking or maintaining another relationship has allowed me to make the most of what time I do have for my kids. Plus, my future lady deserves the best of me: I know that whoever she is, she already appreciates that I’m spending this in-between time wisely—and that’s comforting. —C

It wasn’t worth the physical pain and stress to be intimate with just anyone.

I’ve had various issues with sex throughout my life. I was brought up in a household where it was something you only did once you were married, and I was sexually abused as a teenager. Also, it was physically painful for me—which I recently learned wasn’t normal after seeing a gynecologist, who diagnosed me with hypertonic (tight) pelvic floor. I also have endometriosis, which can also make intercourse hurt.

I’ve made a choice to avoid sex until it feels right. I’m understandably wary of men, given my history, but I’m hopeful that I’ll eventually find someone decent who makes me feel comfortable and safe. For now, I’m happy to not be experiencing pain, and I’d say a vibrator does a way better job in the meantime than a man ever could. Sorry, not sorry. —L

A breakup inspired me to reflect on what I truly deserve in my love life.

My abstinence journey started after a difficult breakup around three years ago. The relationship left me feeling disappointed—not just with my ex but also with myself. I realized I had settled for something less than I deserved, and I understood that to attract someone who truly valued me, I first needed to value myself. That meant honoring my inner voice, keeping my promises to myself, and holding myself accountable for my choices.