Ask Amy: Relationship is in receivership

Dear Amy: I dated my boyfriend for 18 months before deciding to move in with him.

I’m in my 60s and he is in his early 70s.

When I moved in, he gave me his credit card. He said that I was to write down what I spent, and then we would each pay half of the total.

The plan was to move in together into a townhouse that he was building.

He said I could not be on the deed for the house, and that all the furniture in the new townhouse was his. He told me I’d have to sell my condo and my furniture.

My condo is the only asset I have.

He wanted me to give him $100,000 from the sale of the condo once it sold. In return, he said he would take care of me when he died.

He started treating me badly and accused me of pushing him in to marriage.

I did not like the idea of not being on the deed, because when he passes away his daughter could contest the will.

I decided not to sell my condo and moved out.

Now he wants $7,000 dollars he says I owe him, from expenses we incurred on the credit card.

I don’t have any extra money, and he knows that.

Can he sue me for the money?

He told me he’ll give me until December to pay him back!

Dear Wondering: Your ex can try to sue you for just about any reason, but that doesn’t mean he will win. He only wins if he succeeds in intimidating you through the threat of a suit to giving him money you don’t believe you owe him.

You should seek legal advice, but based on my own research, when he gave you his credit card to use, he was actually violating his own agreement with the credit card company, which states that he is the owner of the card, and responsible for paying the balance. If he wanted to share the card, he should have added you as an “authorized user.”

If you believe that you legitimately owe him $7,000, then you should repay that amount, perhaps in installments, if you can’t afford the entire sum. If you don’t believe you owe him this amount, then you should negotiate concerning the sum you are willing to pay.

However, given his financial chicanery and the way your relationship crumbled because of it, if you do agree to pay him any sum at all, you should have a written agreement with him and keep careful records.

You were wise not to become further entangled with him.

Dear Amy: My friend and I have been planning a trip to Costa Rica to celebrate my birthday.

I initially had 10 people who committed to going, and we all purchased airline tickets.

We booked accommodations and car rentals with 10 people in mind; my friend and I paying for most of it, with the agreement that we would all share the cost later.

Now, three weeks before the trip, three people have dropped out for various individual reasons.

Now I am scrambling to try and cancel rooms and car rentals to get the cost down, as I had estimated a certain cost with the 10 people in mind, and now it’s down to seven.

I don’t think it’s fair for the remaining guests to take on extra costs, due to those who dropped out.

Should I ask the participants that dropped out to foot at least part of their bill? And if so, how do I ask?

Dear Disappointed: There isn’t usually a cost for canceling or changing car rental reservations with this much notice. Depending on what service you used to book your rooms, there shouldn’t be a cost for canceling the rooms either.

The people canceling are on the hook for their own airline tickets.

Once you tally whatever cancellation costs you do encounter, you can contact your friends to say, “I’m so sorry you won’t be able to join us. Unfortunately, I incurred the following cost, which I’ve just learned is nonrefundable. I’m hoping you will be willing to reimburse me.”

Dear Amy: “Torn” was suffering from early-onset Alzheimer’s disease and didn’t want to tell her sister about it. You agreed with her!

You should have told her how selfish she was being.

Dear Upset: “Torn” expressed the stress this disclosure would subject her to, and I was supportive. I can’t imagine accusing her of selfishness.