I Radically Accepted My Breast Cancer

What Does Radical Acceptance Even Mean?

Radical acceptance is about fully accepting something. You don’t have to like it or even feel OK about it, but you accept that it’s real.

It’s, “This is where I am now” or “This is what’s happening in this moment,” even if you hate it.

For instance, if you’re stuck outside in a downpour and are getting drenched, you accept the reality of the rain while running for shelter. Radical acceptance doesn’t mean, “This doesn’t matter” or “I’m fine with this.”

I now go whole days and weeks without ever thinking about having had breast cancer. I never could have imagined that in the first few years after my diagnosis.

It’s become just another part of who I am and have been, like having brown hair and brown eyes and being so ridiculously short-waisted that I look like a Despicable Me minion if I try to wear overalls.

But although breast cancer is almost always in my rear-view mirror, there’s something else I haven’t fully accepted: aging.

Cancer Scars? OK. Gray Roots? Noooo.

I come down the stairs in the morning muttering, “Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch” as the overnight stiffness in my ankles works itself out. And where the heck did that weird line in the middle of my neck come from?

I’m definitely not on board with all of that.

I get it: I’m lucky I’ve lived long enough see signs that I’m getting older.

But I can’t say I’ve fully accepted it.

I color my grays. I want a cream that can do something about my neck.

I work out daily to get healthier and stronger — but also for how I look in jeans and a tank top.

Do I stress about those things the way I did when I was in my 20s? No. I have more perspective now.

But do I accept my body 100% if I’m still trying to change it? Probably not.

Proof I Can See

The longer it’s been since my “Cancer Year,” the more it fades. Sometimes it almost feels like it happened to someone else.

But my scars say, “Nope, that was all real, that was you. You endured that. You made it through that.” They tell me both that I’m vulnerable and that I’m strong.

And that’s worth far more than just accepting.