JANUARY IS A MONTH OF MONEY, DEPRESSION, BUT ALSO DIVORCE

Entering the new year brings increased stress for many couples

– Holidays are a time of heightened emotions, so if you already have a problem in your marriage, it is very likely that it will escalate when spend more time together – says for Telegraf psychotherapist Marija Ristić

Entering the new calendar year for many couples who have a marriage problem is often a turning point, so according to some data, January is actually a month in which the largest number of divorces has been recorded for decades.

This is, among other things, as psychologists claim, influenced by holidays, but also by entering the new calendar year, which is often even unconsciously considered a kind of turning point and new opportunities and where many people “settle accounts”, they need to break some “difficult” relationships and start a new life.

– Holidays are a time of heightened emotions, so if you already have a problem in your marriage, it is very likely that it will escalate when you spend more time together – adds Marija Ristić.

clarifies, while the holiday euphoria lasts “problems are mostly put aside”, but when the days of celebration pass they escalate further.

– If there is no healthy communication in a relationship or marriage, that relationship It will be difficult to improve without professional help, but there are not many people who are ready to look for it in order to survive in the community – says Ristic.

According to her, the holidays “increase tensions”, because it is an opportunity for family and partners to spend more time together.

– These are situations when, in dysfunctional relationships, conflicts culminate. On the other hand, entering a new period, such as the new calendar year, encourages many people to think and settle accounts, but also to change what bothers them. This period of the year is seen by many as an opportunity to start a new, perhaps happier life, to get rid of unhealthy relationships in which they functioned until then – explains the psychotherapist.

She points out that it creates additional tension and the fact that many families spend money on holidays, so if they have this problem, it becomes bigger.

– In many marriages, the unwritten rule is that happiness comes out of them with by getting money out of the house. This is, of course, the case if we look at things on that basis and if a relationship was based on interests, ie if the partners were connected mainly only by the financial aspect, which is, in our time, unfortunately very common – he explains. Ristic.

The most common reasons for divorce

When asked if there are universal reasons that are the most common trigger for divorce, the Telegraph interlocutor says:

– We can single out a few. We have already mentioned two – the financial problem and different views on it, as well as the problem with communication. In addition to these, common triggers are, as some like to say, the loss of love, lack of intimacy, feelings of loneliness in marriage, lack of emotional support, cheating, feeling that you have lost yourself and part of your being in that community… Often some of these reasons intertwine

According to Ristic, the most extreme is the abuse suffered by one of the partners. According to Ristic.

– If there is domestic violence and the victim suffers for a long time, it is not uncommon for him to choose the beginning of the year as a turning point and abandon that relationship, because tensions in such relationships and marriages are especially heightened during the holidays, which is evidenced by the increased number of domestic violence at this time of year – explains the therapist.

She states that people often call for help when the situation is already alarming.

– Unlike, say, this extreme where we have violence, we have the other in which her partners walk away in silence. One of the signs that can indicate that divorce is near is the lack of communication, but also quarrels that are mostly understood in a negative context. A quarrel or discussion that involves the exchange of views and opinions of the partners can be extremely healthy for the marital union, if it ends constructively and if the partners in it say to each other with acceptance what they have objections to. Of course, the precondition for something like this is, we go back to the beginning, that there is no problem with communication in the relationship – explains the therapist.

Couples who did not quarrel are also divorcing

She states that the practice shows that those couples who mostly “pushed the problems under the rug” get divorced most often in January.

– In psychology, there is expression – repressed harder, the more it bounces. In practice, we often have couples who have almost never quarreled, but who have suppressed their dissatisfaction, or one of them, and “pushed under the rug” for years. When they settle accounts, usually before the end of the year and the beginning of a new one, they come to the point where they no longer want to spend their lives in dissatisfaction and reach for divorce. They are usually the most impatient to get out of that relationship – explains the psychotherapist.

The Telegraph interlocutor points out that we should always work on building a healthy relationship between partners and preserving the community, but it takes the will and willingness of both parties to form a marriage, which is often not the case.

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