Losing my mother left me with a precise agony, says Andrew Garfield

Andrew Garfield has said the grief of losing his mother rearranged his world and left him with a “precise agony”.

The actor, who has been nominated for an Oscar for his performance in Netflix’s biography Tick, Tick… Boom!, began filming after his mother Lynn died from pancreatic cancer in 2019.

Garfield, 38, plays Rent lyricist and composer Jonathan Larson, who died on the day of the musical’s debut.

Speaking to Jackie Long on Channel 4 about his grief, Garfield said: “It is very very difficult, I think with a loss like that the world gets rearranged and I say that knowing I am not unique in that experience.

“Its so strange because it feels very unique when it is happening, if feels like oh my god I’m the only person that’s ever lost their mother, because it does feel so lonely and precise.

“It feels just like a precise agony and for a period of time I didn’t want to, and I wasn’t able to, do anything.

“I was kind of wasted and the world didn’t make sense, and it still doesn’t, because I miss her greatly, and I hope it never makes sense because I always want to miss her.”

Garfield, best known for playing Spider-Man, has already been recognised for his role in Tick, Tick…Boom!, winning best actor in a musical/ comedy film at this year’s Golden Globes.

The film, which is Hamilton creator Lin-Manuel Miranda’s directorial debut, tells the story of Larson’s attempt to enter the industry by writing a new musical.

Garfield said his mother was “proud” of his career and that her voice never leaves his side.

He added: “She was proud of my achievements but she was much more proud of how I treated someone in Sainsbury’s or Asda that was checking us out with our groceries, she was someone that was about the small kindnesses in life.

“If I’m short-tempered with someone , if I’m having a rough day and someone walks past me and they’re nice to me and I’m gruff, I will feel a little hand on my shoulder, it will be my mother’s hand and I hear her say ‘Andrew’ and I’ll go back and I’ll say ‘hey sorry that was a bit rude of me’.

“I hope she never takes a hand off my shoulder in that way.”