You asked Tamara, “I feel neglected because he spends too much time on social media.”

This Saturday, psychotherapist Dr. Med writes about what to do if a partner spends too much time on social networks – how to draw his attention to the problem. Tamara Tomović , in response to a question from our reader.

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Letter from a reader:

I have a long relationship, we are both divorced and on the threshold of the fifth decade . My partner recently received a promotion at work and has since done much of the work by communicating through social media. We recently went on a trip together and he was online almost all the time scrolling messages, many of which had nothing to do with work. Instead of talking, exchanging tenderness, making plans, I was in a situation to sit next to him while he was in who knows what world. Sometimes he would pass on a part of that communication to me, and I realized that he was exchanging messages and pictures with the widest circle of his friends, while during that time (although I was reading and enjoying the trip) I felt neglected and hurt. If I joked about his new habit, he would react offended, but he would continue on his own. On the other hand, I didn’t want to make too much noise to him. If he does, he probably wants to. What is your opinion?

Answer:

Dear D, it’s wonderful that you traveled together. You must have enjoyed it. However, if you have a “negative filter”, you will only remember the negative things. It is also great that your partner has been promoted, he certainly feels very powerful and empowered now. In that process, he probably realized that he was surrounded by young people who were “non-stop” on social networks, and that it was important to show that he was “not to be thrown away” either. The truth is that technology approaches, but also distances. You have continued “as before” and he is trying to keep up with the times. I’m not saying one is better or worse, it’s just different.

(I don’t know if you’re aware of the joke it belongs to the mechanisms of defense and belongs to deflection – avoidance, even to passive aggression. Probably that’s why he reacted defensively to your jokes.

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• Aggressive communication would be if you told him: Listen it really doesn’t make sense, we came here together, what are you trying to prove by being online all the time?

That would be the place for a “serious” quarrel. I understand why you decided to retire.

• Passive aggression would look like this: No say nothing but roll over with your eyes, deep sigh , pretend to read, and when you ask something, you do you don’t hear. L you are young , really angry.
• Assertive communication (I ask for my rights, but I respect you) would be: We came together and when you are online most of the time, I feel isolated, lonely and hurt – can we agree that at least some de o days forget about mobile and dedicate ourselves to each other?

I really believe that assertive communication, good conversation, with a glass of good wine and turning off notifications, can help couples reconnect. His “new toy” can be the cause of many misunderstandings – if you do not present it as something that threatens your intimacy. What is the worst that can happen? It can leave you to be online all the time! What is the real chance of that happening? If that happens, was he really the right partner for you? I believe that you will soon overcome this “misunderstanding”.

Read also… You asked Tamara: This dilemma bothers me start of connection…

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